The Ultimate Fighter: Season 14, Episode 6: How to win friends and influence people

First up: A quick recap of last week’s controversial Akira-Neace fight, in which everyone in the world thinks Akira tapped besides Akira, Bisping and Herb Dean. And everyone in the world thinks Akira and Bisping acted like idiots, taunting Neace and Miller after getting a gift win, except Akira and Bisping.

We finally put a name to the face of the bald Miller assistant who has had the most issues with Bisping. He’s Ryan Parsons, and he confronts Bisping, telling him he now understands why the Englishman is the most hated man in the UFC. Bisping responds by saying how rich he is. If Bisping were on Wall Street, he’d be the guy mooning the Occupy movement with the word “SUCKERS” tattooed on his butt.

For good measure, Bisping is also incredulous in the confessional, giving the Bill Laimbeer “What’d I do?” routine. I’ve had good conversations with Bisping, and I never thought he was quite as bad as people thought. I’m starting to wonder, though, if he’s simply decided to burn down every last bit of fan support he ever had.

Miller reassures Neace that he doesn’t owe anyone an apology. And we move on.

Miller doesn’t understand why Steven Siler, his last draft pick, wants to fight Diego Brandao, Bisping’s first. Dana White is also a little surprised that he wants this fight, but I’d guess Dana is also a little impressed and will remember that willingness to step up. “(Diego) has this Brazilian mystique about him.” But Siler has great cardio. I should say here that I’m watching this while already knowing the results. The cardio isn’t going to matter.

Still, Bisping says good things about Siler, warning that Diego shouldn’t underestimate him. Diego’s cardio isn’t the best.

Miller brings his little dog to the weigh-ins. Nothing unusual happens.

Back in the house: Siler misses his girlfriend. Diego lost his father at age 14 and started selling drugs out of desperation, but he turned to fighting instead. We still have no idea why Diego had such an issue with Siler in the last episode.

As he walks to the cage, Diego puts another hole in one of the UFC Training Center’s flimsy doors.

Both guys have experience: 17-6 (Siler) vs. 13-7 (Diego). Josh Rosenthal starts us, and Diego runs across the cage with a flying knee that Bisping doesn’t like. (Afterwards, Bisping says the game plane was not to do anything crazy.) But 20 seconds later, boom. Siler’s rocked. Diego follows up quickly. It’s over.

Dana thinks the other fighters in the weight class just got the feeling they’re fighting for second place. “Dude, can we just get out checks and get out of here?” he jokes.

Bisping yaks: “Pay attention to the situation, Miller. It’s going to get real familiar.”

Miller: “Could you be any more of a douchebag?”

Bisping keeps yakking, though he does shake Siler’s hand. Then he chases Miller back to his dressing room to try to get him to talk more. Miller’s having none of it, and he herds his guys into the room.

In the room, Miller sums up for the camera: “I don’t understand what makes Michael such an (bleep). Possibly he has a small penis — I don’t know.”

To the other weight class: Bisping and his team agree that John Dodson is the tougher fight on the Miller team. He’s not sure whether to give that fight to TJ Dillashaw or John “Prince” Albert. Meanwhile, Miller’s other remaining bantamweight, Roland Delorme, has an ankle that has swelled up for no apparent reason. Miller’s no doctor, but he knows the most likely cause is an infection. They send him to the doctor but say they’ll keep it secret.

Off to the fight announcement, and we know from Johnny Bedford at USA TODAY that what we’re seeing is a little out of sequence. Bisping decides to give a bit of a lecture about dignity and respect. Miller interjects once but decides to bite his tongue again. He sends Albert against Dodson, who runs over and gives Albert a big hug. Bisping says Dodson’s “practically a member of Team Bisping anyway,” referring to his mole status.

But there’s discord on Team Bisping. Akira and Josh Ferguson think TJ dodged Dodson and threw Albert into the tougher fight.

Albert does have two things in his favor. He’s a lot bigger than Dodson. And there’s still some resentment over Dodson selling out his team’s fight picks. But Miller’s trying to welcome him back.

“How could you really hate that face?” Miller says. “The guy is pure energy condensed in this microframe. He does some ninja-Matrix moves that I can’t really explain.”

The downside: “But he’s lazy. He’s talented but lazy.”

“Fighting’s supposed to fun,” Dodson says.

And Dodson comes out smiling, even as Albert throws the first kick. Still, the Albert/Bisping game plan seems really cautious. Bisping keeps yelling at him to keep his hands high and his chin down. Dodson puts Albert in all sorts of trouble with a series of punches and knees. Albert responds with a startling takedown, but Dodson reverses and then stands. They have another scramble at the end of the round that ends up badly for Albert, who clearly lost the first round 10-9.

Round 2: They touch gloves again, which requires Dodson to reach way up in the air. Dodson really is tiny — there’s little question that he’ll end up in the UFC’s flyweight class when it starts, regardless of the outcome of this show. Not much happens on the feet for 2 1/2 minutes. They go to the ground, where you’d think Albert would have an advantage with his size. He doesn’t. Albert isn’t landing anything, and Dodson is landing the little bit that he’s throwing. Best quip from Mayhem as a Dodson punch gets deflected: “Punch his leg again.” The height difference is really comical, but even so, it’s not a particularly interesting fight. Dodson closes with a takedown just to reinforce his superiority.

Recap: Dana’s impressed with Dodson’s first-round flair. Dana on Albert’s second round: “Maybe if I don’t hit him, he won’t piss me off.” Mayhem says Dodson coasted through the second round.

Unanimous decision for Dodson. He says of his coasting, “If you ain’t cheatin’, you ain’t tryin’.”

Albert is miserable. Bisping tells him he thinks he’ll get a shot at the finale.

Bisping stops by to “congratulate” Miller, who has nothing to say. That irks Bisping. “Nothing to say? No water to squirt?” Miller smiles and says nothing. Bisping: “Back to Bully Beatdown with you.” Miller: “I know one bully.”

Next week, it looks like Bisping will need to focus on his own team as other fighters gang up on TJ. “Today we decided to teach him a lesson in training,” Akira says. Uh oh.

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Beau Dure

The guy who wrote a bunch of soccer books and now runs a Gen X-themed podcast while substitute teaching and continuing to write freelance stuff.

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