To review from last week (check the recap for a full rundown of the episode and the teams):
– Chris Camozzi’s jaw injury forced him to leave the house and show. Seth Baczynski, who lost a close decision to Court McGee in the prelims, took his place.
– Charles Blanchard gives massages, which some insecure people in the house find funny.
– Brad Tavares beat James Hammortree on every scorecard except that of Tito Ortiz, who apparently blacked out for the last 3:30 of the fight. Luckily, his card doesn’t count.
– Crabman (Jamie Yager) is getting closer to being this season’s Junie Browning.
On to this week …
We start with a recap of last week’s fight, and we learn that Yager was cheering for Tavares. Tavares is not on Yager’s team. Yager’s teammate, Nick Ring, isn’t happy about that. Ring already had feuded with Crabman, but they patch things up. We think. Yager has formed his own “team” that he calls “Minority Report.” It’s Yager (African American), Tavares (Hispanic), McCray and Kyle Noke (Australian). The others call it “Team Yager.” And worse.
Two fights tonight, so we get right to the next fight announcement. Chuck Liddell is in control, and he calls Rich Attonito from his team to face the experienced Kyacey Uscola. Two second-round picks, both decent wrestlers. Uscola has already feuded with Crabman.
Time for the NBC Olympic-style stories, and we learn that Uscola will miss his child’s birth while on the show. Attonito runs through a list of nicknames for himself, starting with Richie Boombots and running through a few more Rodney Dangerfield/The Sopranos possibilities. Ortiz tells Uscola to expect to be taken down but then get back up. Liddell says he hears Uscola has trouble getting up from takedowns. Maybe Chuck knows what he’s doing.
Chuck will miss this fight with an unnamed commitment, not a Bisping-style oversleeping incident.
More house antics, which means more fun with Crabman. Uscola’s sweatshirt somehow wound up in Team Yager’s room. Uscola and Crabman trade bleeps. McCray tells Crabman he took the shirt. Uscola and Crabman keep trading bleeps on the way to the van and in the van, and Uscola says that’s not the first thing Crabman stole. There’s just a bit of racial tension in the conversation, making it a little more difficult to joke about.
After the break, more bleeping talk, with Tito listening. Clayton McKinney: “Nobody sees eye to eye with Yager. It’s like talking to a child.”
Attonito, though, bonds with Crabman, showing pictures of his family.
The fight is brought to you by the movie Losers, which probably gave both guys a good laugh upon seeing it tonight.
Fight starts, and after a tentative first minute, we learn that Attonito is a monster. Left uppercut stuns Uscola. Combination drops him. Attonito stays in control on the ground for a minute. Uscola rises, and Attonito acrobatically flips him like a pancake. Slam!
Just as suddenly, the fight turns. Uscola gets a good grip on a kimura and reverses. Attonito does just enough to defend. Uscola can’t get in position to do any damage. They start to stand, and then we learn that Uscola, despite his 18-15 record, doesn’t know the rules. He slams a knee into Attonito’s head while Attonito is very clearly down, then seems stunned when he’s asked to break. “He was getting up!” he yells. Then “(Bleep) that!”
They quiz Rich. ‘Where are you?” “Fighting in a cage.” Not good enough. He can’t continue, and ref Josh Rosenthal DQs Uscola. Tito breaks a door, clearly not a priority in the remodeling of the UFC training center.
In the postfight interview, Uscola changes his story. Now he didn’t get Attonito in the head. That would be a surprise to Attonito, who is either in the midst of a brilliantly executed but ill-conceived acting job or … was kneed in the head.
That’s the least of Rich’s problems. He has a broken hand. He and Uscola joke about it in the house in a nice show of sportsmanship. Crabman isn’t around.
Chuck’s back, and he calls Charles Blanchard, the massage therapist, against Yager. And as if to prove it’s not just me and my wife noticing, Chuck calls him “Crabman.”
We learn little about Blanchard. We learn that Crabman had a rough upbringing for unspecified reasons, and that’s why Tito sympathizes with him always being on the defensive.
If this were Bully Beatdown, we’d bet on Blanchard to give Crabman a good humbling. But the taller Yager looked more impressive in winning his prelim fight, and Blanchard isn’t giving off a really confident vibe.
Blanchard, like Attonito, is fighting out of Coconut Creek, Fla. — home of American Top Team.
The show has only 4-5 minutes left when the fight starts, so you know it’ll be brief. Blanchard goes for a takedown and doesn’t quite get it. They stand, and Yager lands a massive right hand. Blanchard tumbles and turtles, clearly unable to respond. Josh Rosenthal steps in, and the national UFC fanbase lets out a collective “Aw, bleep.” Yager leaves the room chanting his own name.
On the next episode, we find out someone’s hurt. Isn’t Attonito hurt?