(Classical music fades in and out as if on a distant radio station. It abruptly stops at times, raising hopes that call is about to begin. Then it restarts, dashing those hopes. … 10-15 minutes after the scheduled start time, the music stops.)

MUFFLED VOICE: … then he threw the soup.

(Others laugh)

OPERATOR: This is the UXC 132 conference call. Please hit Star-1 if you want to ask a question, but not yet. If you’re on a speakerphone, please mute it so your signal can reach our equipment. Turning it over to your host now, Mr. Jim Payar.

JIM: Thanks, this is Jim … Pierre … welcoming you to today’s call. On the line, we have UXC welterweight champion Delbert “Wild Man” Grumptalker, UXC heavyweight Pete Oneliner and Grumptalker’s challenger, Silva Silva. Silva will be speaking in Klingon, but we have Ed Worf translating for him. We’re still trying to reach Droopy Napmaster, who’ll be fighting against Oneliner — we’ll let you know when he’s on the line. Operator, we’re ready to take questions now.

OPERATOR: Once again, that’s Star-1 if you want to ask a question. We’ll pause now to assemble the queue.

(20 seconds later)

OPERATOR: Your first question is from Warren Whyzefirst from ChokeMeOut.com

WHYZEFIRST: Yeah, my question is for Droopy. Droopy, you won your last fight using a modified guillotine. Do you …

JIM: Hey … Warren? Warren? Yeah, Droopy isn’t on the line yet.

WHYZEFIRST: Oh. Um, OK then, I’ll ask Pete. Pete, Droopy tends to win his fights using various types of guillotine chokes. What do you plan to do to avoid his guillotine.

ONELINER: Knock him out. Maybe before he gets to the cage.

WHYZEFIRST: OK, great. Um, I’ll come back if Droopy gets on the line.

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