This series hasn’t taken off as I thought it would, so I’m not going to do all 32 teams.
But we just have to do one more …
James Bond and British Rail
Python and Holy Grail
Love Actually
If we can win the Cup
We’ll tear our Brexit up
But we’ll more likely (bleep) it up
Mo-ost def’nitely
Schedule reminder and previous anthem parodies (times ET):
Thursday, 11 a.m.: Russia-Saudi Arabia
Friday, 8 a.m.: this one
EGYPT
These melismas are killing me …
Mo Salah, Mo Salah, Mo Saaaa-lah
Likely you’ll be-e-e our leading scorrrr-er
Bob Bradley, Bob Bradley, Bob Bradley
Thanks to you, we’re now better than the ni-ineties
We inven-n-ted lots of stuff
Saying “thaaank you” wouldn’t hurrrrrt
Yes we know the Sphinx lost its nose
We’re sorrrrry Napoleon was blamed
The tourists, the tourists, the tourrrr-ists
Count for twee-lve percent of our worrrrk-force
Repeating, repeating, repeeeeeating …
Does this anthem just ha-ave seven worrrrrds?
URUGUAY
(Instrumental fanfare until the 1:08 mark. Sing “Kill the wabbit” where it fits.)
1930 and then 1950!
Yes, we’ve won this thing once and again
(Repeat)
This is really a long brutal anthem
And it goes on and on and on and on
(Repeat, even though the meter really doesn’t fit — the original has the same problem)
Yes, it goes on and on …
This is really a long brutal anthem
And it goes on and on and on and on
And it goes on and on …
Four minutes more!
(Seriously, this anthem never ends. Most of it is about dying for your country.)
I’m probably starting too late in the game to make this work, but here’s the goal — I’m going to provide parody lyrics so you can sing along with each nation’s anthem in the World Cup.
We start with the opening game between two totally democratic and peaceful countries, Russia and Saudi Arabia!
RUSSIA
We’re hosting the World Cup
It’s too late to stop us
You say that we’re despots; we say “yo’ mama!”
Our dear shirtless Putin
(This line is redacted)
At least our great leader knows our anthem’s words!
Hooome-laa-annd, home-land
We sing ou-ur praise here
Almost as good as “The Americans” (singing note: stress that last syllable!)
Thank you for casting Keri
But, Sarah Palin, please shut up
Or we will hack all of your xBox games
Yes we wrote an anthem with changes in meter
That should teach you all to leave our (bleep) alone
Our hooligans fighting in woods south of Moscow
It’s better than flying to Vladivostok
Weeeee gave the world Tchaikovsky
And great writers like Tolstoy
So get the hell off all our freaking backs!
Yes, it is really cold up here
You try living in permafrost
FIFA won’t let us play all the rest
(Actually, they probably won’t even get that far. But it’s in Russia, so who knows?)
SAUDI ARABIA
(Instrumental intro — note where the singing starts in the clip above)
We are free, assuming you are male …
If you aren’t, could you please wear a veil?
Our biggest fear is the electric car (boo, Elon)
(skipping this line)
Oil is ours!
Desert heat … prepares us for the next World Cup
And remember ’94 — that goal! Owairan!
Guns and planes, we’ve got ’em by the ton
And we’ve even got some Cinnabon
Our biggest fear is the electric car (boo, Elon)
(skipping this line)
Oil is ours!
All our team … plays here in our domestic league
Can we sign somewhere that’s cooler — hey, PSG!
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