“They said he didn’t belong in the UFC” are the first words we hear. They’re referring to Lesnar? Who said that?

Dana is wearing a Saturday Night Live shirt. Is he bidding to host?

Quick glimpses of a couple of fighters. Nordin Asrih is the first German, but unlike the English fighters, he doesn’t get subtitle treatment.

Dana says Junior dos Santos stepped aside from his title shot to come in and teach on TUF.

Brock Lesnar doesn’t want guys who’ve been spending the last month sitting aroud eating pizza and drinking beer. That rules me out.

Lesnar goes scientific in his evaluation. His strength and conditioning coach puts heart-rate monitors on the fighters and puts them on the bike. A couple of guys get up to 160. One is at 110. Either that guy was slacking, or he’s Lance Armstrong.

Junior does his evaluations in the Octagon.

Lesnar does interviews, too. He finds out Javier Torres’ wife is pregnant. Junior admits that he can’t do that sort of interview. That’s already his third apology for his so-so English.

Lesnar has Len Bentley at the top of the list. Junior is impressed with Shamar Bailey’s wrestling. Also Ryan McGillivray. Of those standouts, only McGillivray (hereafter known as “Ryan”) has the most extensive record. (Check the cast profiles.)

And … we have an injury during evalutions. It’s Myles Jury, who insists it’s not bad.

Dana does the coin toss between the coaches in his office — a departure from past season. Lesnar wins and immediately opts to pick the first fighter rather than the first matchup.

We don’t see the draft, but Dana reads names in order, with the coaches out of the room.

Lesnar: Len Bentley
JDS: Shamar Bailey
Lesnar: Charles Rader
JDS: Ryan McGillivray
Lesnar: Tony Ferguson
JDS: Javier Torres
Lesnar: Clay Harvison
JDS: Ramsey Nijem
Lesnar: Myles Jury
JDS: Zach Davis
Lesnar: Chris Cope
JDS: Mick Bowman
Lesnar: Nordin Asrih
JDS: Keon Caldwell

Cope, relatively inexperienced, seems to be establishing himself as the show’s resident wit. Sherdog says Caldwell is only 2-1, so his draft status isn’t a surprise. Asrih, the most experienced guy on the show, is more of a stunner. The top five all have decent records.

Brief tour of the apparently remodeled house: Lesnar’s team takes upstairs bedrooms, Dos Santos downstairs.

Training: JDS team grapples. Lesnar’s team throws big balls and hits bags.

Doctor visits Lesnar, another coach and Myles Fury, he of the minor knee injury. The ACL is torn 100%. And that’s not all. Recommendation: Don’t fight. Fury insists he can move around on it. Lesnar becomes the voice of reason, saying this happens to a lot of athletes, and you have to let it heal. Dana also gives him a good pep talk, saying he has a good record and a lot of talent, and he’ll be back.

The replacement is Chuck O’Neil, who has a beard and an accent that’s tough to place. Canadian? Over to Sherdog … nope, not listed as Canadian. He’s 8-3, with a win in Bellator and little else of note. His nickname is “Cold Steel,” which I briefly misread as “Cold Stew.” Someone should take that nickname.

Fight announcement: Dos Santos goes straight to the top of his list with Shamar and straight to the bottom of Lesnar’s team with Asrih.

Rader speaks up on Asrih’s behalf, saying he has a great record and was jet-lagged during the evaluation. Shamar doesn’t want to give Lesnar any opportunity to talk, though he kind of hopes Brock throws a chair.

It’s a striker-grappler matchup. Asrih says he’ll look to keep it standing. Shamar: “I think there’s a little difference between European fighting and American fighting … (sniff) …” Beginning to like the German here.

The Bailey backstory: He grew up a pastor’s son, and God put a competitive fire on him.

The Asrih backstory: German, Muslim. He prays five times a day and says it helps him stay focused. (Subtitles pop on the screen for that line.) He doesn’t give a (bleep) about being the last pick.

Chandella is our Octagon Girl. Dana’s suit is sharp. Our ref is Steve Mazzagatti, uncredited. Before we finish the sponsor shoutouts, Shamar has Asrih down and is in side control. Asrih stands briefly and is back down. Shamar has little trouble advancing to half-guard. Asrih knows just enough ground defense to keep Shamar close and out of a good position to pound him out. The classic striker-grappler matchup is in the classic ground stalemate.

Off topic only slightly: In the USA, MMA has become the professional aspiration of many college and international wrestlers. Is that not the case in Europe? It’s not as if Europe has no wrestlers. And someone must be a less competent grappler than Asrih, who has several submission wins, one by heel hook.

Chandella walks again, and it’s Round 2. Shamar stands southpaw. Asrih kicks … and falls. Shamar mounts. Asrih manages to flip both of them away from the cage, giving up his back only for a moment. Asrih grabs a guillotine that looks dangerous for a few seconds, but Shamar escapes and is back in side control. Then he struggles mightily to do anything with yet another dominant position. It’s ground-and-pound, minus the pound. He finally manages to get a couple of elbows to Asrih’s head, but Asrih seems indifferent to them and is focusing instead of trying desperately to get up. With 70 seconds left, Asrih turns and gives up his back in an effort to sneak out. He can’t get anywhere, so he rolls back to his back, and Shamar manages to get in position for some strikes. He somehow misses many of them.  Shamar lands his biggest shot right at the horn as if to convince us that this wasn’t one of the least competent fights in TUF history.

Dana concedes: Not the most exciting fight you will see in Ultimate Fighter history.

So it’s Dos Santos 1, Lesnar 0. Lesnar says they reacted like they won a big championship, but when it’s first pick against last pick, it’s to be expected.

Ahead this season — Lesnar says something about “chicken salad out of chicken (bleep).” Somehow, there’s a shoving match, crutches thrown in the pool and yet another appearance by Matt Hughes.